Those of you who know me must be wondering what I’m talking about… I have a beautiful 2.5 year old son named Maximilian, born on Halloween in 2009.  We decided in 2008 that we were ready to have children (having been together since high school, married for 2 years already, and 24 years old at this point).  Then, it only took 4 months and voila!  We were pregnant!  Doesn’t seem fair, right?  It was so easy.  So how could I be affected by infertility now?  Maximilian was born via cesarean section after hours of laboring and pushing (read his birth story here).  I never knew what a profound impact a c-section would have on our ability to have more children, and what an emotional roller coaster it would be.

We started ‘unofficially’ trying (i.e., not not trying) for more children when Max was just a few months old because it’s always been one of our dreams to have a big family… so why not keep the momentum going!?  Almost exactly a year ago, when Max was 18-months old, we got pregnant!  Found out on Cinco de Mayo, actually.  And, of course, we were ecstatic!  Took about a year from when we decided to start trying… a bit longer than the first go around, but not entirely surprising since I was still breastfeeding Max.  Then, on May 16th, the day my husband was supposed to start a new job, we had a miscarriage.  We were completely devestated and it just shook up our entire world.

We spent a lot of time healing after that, and asked a lot of ‘why’ questions.  A lot of other women I talked to who also had a miscarriage at one point, assured me that we would likely be pregnant again in no time.  While I was fine with a little bit of time passing first to continue the emotional and physical healing process of losing that baby, I was definitely still anxious to keep growing our family.  And then there was month after month of negative pregnancy tests.  By the time Christmas rolled around, I decided that it was finally time to seek help and soon after learned about secondary infertility.  It’s an emotional roller coaster for sure, and it’s hard not to permanently give up… I’ve even sought out ways to cope with secondary infertility, sometimes assuming that this is something I will never overcome.  Did you know that secondary infertility affects more than 3 million Americans (making it more common than primary infertility)?

This is when I got in touch with another local yoga mama here in Austin, Liz Shri.  She is a wealth of knowledge and information of all things fertility-related.  Not only did I get to partake in her wonderful 3-month Yoga for Fertility course earlier this year with a group of other beautiful women on their own fertility journey, but she also got me in touch with two other women who now play an incredibly important role in my life.  One is my acupuncturist Dixie Hornby of the Tao Health Clinic.  I see her for weekly treatments to enhance my fertility, and she makes sure I’m taking the right combination of Chinese herbs to further assist.  She’s also a therapist extraordinaire, frequently allowing me to vent and guiding back to my grounded, centered self.

The next woman is Charlotte Westbrook, a clinical massage therapist who is a certified practitioner of The Arvigo Techniques of Maya Abdominal Massage (MAM).  What Charlotte taught me and continues to do for me every month is invaluable.  I met with her for the first time in January of this year.  I highly recommend her (if you’re in the Austin, TX area… otherwise, I encourage you to look up a practitioner in your city!) to everyone needing any sort of abdominal work done (could be digestion, fertility, scarring from a c-section or other abdominal surgery, etc.)… her work is also very helpful for hormonal balance (think PMS and menopause), among SO many other benefits (please see her website for more info).

I really recommend someone like Charlotte for anyone (like myself) who has had a c-section, especially if you think you may be suffering from secondary infertility issues.  Little did I know, that when the doctor puts your uterus back “in place” following a Cesarean delivery, how carefully and WHERE they place it can have a HUGE impact on the healing and proper functioning down the line.  A ‘normal’ uterus has enough space on all sides of it to be able to get the nutrients and blood flow that it needs.  Apparently, my own uterus was placed shifted down toward my left hip bone, and thus the top of the uterus attached itself to the tissue in that area (causing frequent pain near my incision area), but ALSO (and Charlotte said this was unusual) the bottom of it attached in an area near my coccyx or tailbone area (which explains the intense pain I get there from time to time!).  And come to find out from the International Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology), c-sections cause infertility (and, no surprise, emotional trauma as well) in 1 in 3 women!  Why don’t doctors tell you about these sorts of risks up front???  And why are the rates for c-sections on the rise!?  The more it rises, the higher the number of women will experience secondary infertility and emotional trauma.

Not only is my uterus not getting proper blood flow and nutrients, but the shift in weight with it being out of place is also causing my hips to be slightly out of alignment.  So the fact that my uterus has attached itself to tissue in not one but two places in my abdomen has really been working against me in a variety of ways, and yes, this was the reason for my miscarriage last year and our inability to get pregnant since then (a.k.a. secondary infertility).  It is hindering ideal conception and fetus growing conditions.  If I were to carry a baby now with my uterus in this position, my pregnancy would likely be much more painful, and the movement of the baby as it grows may very well help detach my uterus from the tissue areas (which needs to happen anyway, but that would be a WAY more painful way for it to happen).

So now the amazing and brilliant Charlotte is working with me 1-2 times a month to get my uterus back where it should be and detach it from the tissue it attached itself to when it was placed back in my abdomen following my c-section.  She also taught me some great self-care massage techniques to do at home in between our sessions, in addition to using castor oil packs at the beginning of my cycles.  I even did an amazing tandem session with Charlotte and her friend Hayley.  Hayley did Chakra work on me greatly assisting me with my emotional trauma related to my miscarriage, while Charlotte did her MAM work.  It was one of the single most amazing experiences of my life!

The good news with alllll of this work that I’ve been doing for months, is that it seems to be working!  Charlotte said my uterus is much more ‘mobile’ now as she works with it (it’s all external massage), and there seem to be little to no adhesions still holding it out of place.  However, it’s still going to take quite some time to try to ‘convince’ my uterus to sit upright and centered in it’s proper position, instead of off to the side.  Pretty amazing stuff, though, eh!? (UPDATE 05.03.12: I’ve seen Charlotte twice in the last 2 weeks and we made AMAZING leaps forward! She was able to center my uterus, so now we’re working on the surrounding ligaments and helping those adjust to the new positioning!).

Charlotte said it typically takes between 3-5 sessions to begin to see results, and I’ve already had 4 sessions.  I have two more coming up this month.  One website I came across reported as much as a 50% success rate for natural conception when women experiencing fertility problems receive MAM treatments.  Another website reported success rates around just 30%.  All I can think is, “And may the odds be ever in your favor.” Sorry… small inside joke because I became truly obsessed with reading The Hunger Games trilogy as a means for distraction during my fertility journey.

My adventures with yoga to enhance my fertility (in addition to my regular yoga practice), acupuncture, Chinese herbs, and Mayan Abdominal Massage, are really only the tip of the iceberg with allllll of the myriad of other things my husband and I are trying to enhance our fertility (hey, it’s a two-way street!).  We’re talking herbs, vitamins, castor oil packs, teas, foods, etc.  The list goes on.

As I mentioned before, the emotional aspect of all of this is brutal.  Some days you feel ‘double rainbow‘ high and are untouchably happy (and more determined than ever to become a mom (again)).  Other days, you kind of feel like a useless being with no womanhood left because you are unable to conceive and bear (more) children.  Then you watch your friends, relatives, and acquaintances (and everyone in between!) show up pregnant left and right.  While you’re completely thrilled for them, it’s also a slightly painful reminder at the same time of what you’re ever so longing for.  The chakra work I did with Hayley greatly improved my emotional stance in this arena, though, and I am forever grateful to her for that… because who doesn’t want to be happy and help someone celebrate new life!?  It’s a true miracle and deserves to be celebrated.

So what did I learn from all of this?  I learned that sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands and educate yourself (especially when your own doctor doesn’t give you the full scoop).  I didn’t even know that ‘secondary infertility’ was a real thing!  And now I feel that all of this information is just much too valuable to not share.  I didn’t even know MAM therapy existed until Liz suggested it.  I was tired of hearing my (former) obstetrician say, “well, a lot of stuff just shifted down there when you gave birth, and with time it’ll get back in place.” I won’t go into the details of what was ‘off’ before I started getting this work done, but let’s just say a LOT!  All doctors with patients who undergo a c-section should almost immediately refer them to an abdominal massage therapist to help her anatomy properly heal.  I wish I had found all of these wonderful practitioners sooner, but I finally feel completely blessed to now have this support network of amazing women who are helping me find proper care, and helping me heal.  And I am beyond blessed to have the most amazing and supportive husband in the world, too.  Without him, this journey would cease to exist.

I’ve also learned that if/when I’m lucky enough to be blessed with another child, I want a completely different birthing experience.  I know I’m already going to receive resistance from the get-go since I’ll be going for a VBAC, but I’m prepared to seek out the proper resources to make it happen for me.  I think unnecessary interventions during my labor played a huuuge role in the need for my c-section, so next time I’ll be more informed and ready to stand up for what my primal instincts are telling me are right and needed.  And you should, too.  Whether or not you already have a baby, do you want to risk secondary infertility if you’re hoping for another?

Educate yourself.  Educate others.  Support those in need.  Stand up for an important and often overlooked issue.  It may be affecting more woman (and men!) in your life than you think.

I’m determined to become a mother again to a biological child (but adoption is not out of the question either)… But if not, this quote (a favorite of the ladies in my fertility class) by Alice Domar reassures me: ”You will be happy again.  Life will become joyful again.  And somehow, some way, if you want to become a parent, you will.”

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)

These are great and important questions! Let me see what I can offer to help you answer those questions and make great choices.

First and most importantly, let’s make sure we all start planning the style of the shoot more than a week in advance! These visual elements can really “make” or “break” a shoot, so careful thought and consideration should go into shopping choices. Have a talk with your photographer first about the feel you want for your photos, and then go from there. There are a LOT of different directions a shoot can take, so a solid understanding of what you want the final product to look and feel like is uber important!

Next, one of the things at the forefront of your mind when making these decisions should be to make sure you’ll be wearing something you feel comfortable in. I’m not talking pajamas and sweats here (because let’s face it, that’s what I always feel MOST comfortable in! Haha!). What I mean is, wear something that fits nicely and doesn’t make you feel self-conscious. Pick something timeless and that you feel confident wearing. How you feel in your clothing and accessories is going to show through in your photos. Pick something that represents you. If you feel awkward, you’re going to look awkward! And choose something timeless so your photos look timeless and won’t seem so silly 10, 20, or even 30 years from now. Anything trendy or gimmicky is going to get dated reeeaaal fast.

The clothing chosen for this session perfectly represented this family's style and fun loving attitude

Next, colors. While I’ve taken plenty of beautiful photos where everyone is wearing solid white or solid black tees/long sleeves, I tend to discourage those choices. For one, it makes the photos look super formal and I prefer a nice and fun, informal feel. My sessions will end up being way more laid back and silly (in a good way!) if the mood isn’t set from the start with formal clothing. However, black and white are also very timeless! Yes, a contradiction, I know. If it’s a solo shoot, say, for maternity photos, and you want a sophisticated look, then please choose basic styles and colors. And, if you would like to keep it classy and timeless with your basic blacks, neutrals, grays, etc., then pick really unique and beautiful clothing and accessories that “class-up” your basic tee and jeans. Think, Vanity Fair.

The couple in this photo stuck with basic blacks and neutrals, but kept it interesting by layer different types of clothing and accessories

Also, please keep in mind that bright, solid colors will have an effect on your skin tone. Solid white (or even a pale, solid yellow) can really wash you out, especially if you’re as pasty as I am… Solid white can also really increase the chances of your photos looking too bright, especially if you’re shooting outdoors. Bold colors like solid candy apple red can really add a lot of red to your skin tons, which also tends to bring out any blemishes you might be trying to hide. Don’t be afraid of colors and prints, just choose wisely! And if you’re going to be shooting in a park-like setting, wearing warm colors (i.e., various shades of pinks, maroons, oranges, etc.) will really help you “pop” against your surroundings!

This little angel is wearing the perfect shade of pink to really stand out against the grasses and bluebonnets

Matching. If you’re planning on group photos, try to think beyond wearing identical, matching clothing. While it can look cute, sometimes it doesn’t look real to me. Do you and your three siblings and your parents always walk around wearing the exact same shirts and jeans? Probably not. Are you and your fiance in matching track suits on a daily basis? Maybe in the 80′s (hey– if you WANT to style a whole shoot around this theme, then I’m all for it! but then it’s purposeful and not just cheesy). Let each person show their individuality and personality with their clothing and accessory choices. Be unique and bold and have fun with it. It will improve the overall look of your photos more than you think! To be even more unique, try finding great choices on places like Etsy, or if you prefer more mainstream, maybe Anthropologie (my favvvoorite store!). Mix colors and patterns. And don’t forget about textures! Look for really neat fabrics with great texture… stuff like that really photographs well!

Why wear identical clothing when you can really let your family's individuality shine!?

For kids, tutus and flowers and bow ties can be cute, but try not to overdo it. And in all honesty, they’re really not my preference (maybe one day when I have a daughter I’ll understand???). And if you’re going to go for those types of items, look for great finds on Etsy or local boutiques. Always push yourself to think ‘out of the box’ when shopping for clothing and accessories for your kiddo to wear for a photo session. I really love an Etsy-inspired, ‘DIY’ type of look. ‘OOAK’ (one-of-a-kind) is also a useful search term when looking for handmade items online for your shoot.

As far as “props” go, I’m not really big into “typical” kiddo props (wagons– unless it’s antique, fake flowers– or fake anything for that matter, stuffed animals, etc.). Same goes for my newborn shoots. I like to just keep it to a simple “lifestyle shoot,” photographing everyone just spending time with each other, rather than wasting hours on complicated newborn poses (which can also be risky for your new lil’ babe!) and props. If your little one has an absolute favorite toy or blanket that he/she cannot live without, that is the sort of stuff I want to see. Otherwise, we’ll likely leave out any other props unless we’re doing a theme-inspired shoot (see next paragraph), or unless you have a really unique item to incorporate just for the fun of it (see photo below)!

A beautiful twist on a classic prop! Such a lovely color.

If you would like a session inspired by a particular theme (which I always encourage and love to incorporate), then we can discuss what you have in mind and what really speaks to you, and then start an inspiration board on Pinterest! This can be a great tool for pulling together items you like (and might want to use in your shoot) from across the web, and then narrow down your favorite items and use it as a sort of shopping list!

This beautiful mama is a musician and children's performer, so what better way to spend an afternoon with her family than expressing their love and creativity in a beautiful field of wildflowers!

That’s a wrap for this post as far as tips and thoughts on your wardrobe choices for a photo shoot. All of these decisions really depend on the photographer you’ve chosen for your session, so make sure you work collaboratively and far in advance of the shoot. Below you’ll find a lot of great shops that I love if you care to read further. Thanks for stopping by!

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So you already know that my favorite go-to places for clothing and accessories for yourself are Anthropologie, Etsy, and local boutiques, but what about your kids? These are some of my favorite shops for newborns (and some for slightly older kiddos) where you can find really cute hats and accessories to buy for your session if you’d like to incorporate one or two (I suggest ordering items at least 6 weeks ahead of time!).

I would LOVE for my clients to do a shopping spree here and design a shoot around these styles… Who’s up for it!?

Swanky Baby Vintage

More cuteness!

Ten Little Monkeys

Oh Fiddlesticks!

For the grown up ladies:

Modern Vintage Boutique

A little bit of all things adorable:

After the Bump

Knit Hats, Pods, etc.:

Daddy Mack Hats

Fashion Touch

DarnFanciful

SweetPeaToad

bitOwhimsy

WarmFuzzies

Pixiebell

MaryYarns

Wings, etc.:

GiGi Stitches

Bows, headbands, etc.:

Bella’s Bowtique

Wraps, blankets, and backdrops:

Strawberry Girl Couture

Roses and Ruffles

Submitted for this month’s “Beautiful Black and White” I Heart Faces Photo Challenge.

Submitted for the I Heart Faces weekly photo challenge.

What kind of Christmas card would cause those kind of tears? The kind that included 7 memories… 7 photos of a friend I haven’t seen in 3 years… 7 photos of that friend and her husband, who she lost in Afghanistan on August 6th of this year. She included a lovely note honoring his memory and saying thank you for the outpouring of support she has received, which of course only intensified the tears.

Were there professional photos on that card? No. Did there need to be? Of course not. Those 7 snapshots were more powerful than any professional photo I have ever seen, because there was meaning behind them. A professional photographer isn’t always around when you’re in the midst of a meaningful moment or memory. So it’s up to you to be the record keeper for yourself and for your family and friends.

You don’t have to lose 10 pounds first, you don’t have to have makeup on, heck you don’t even have to had showered first. Who cares what anyone looks like in a fleeting moment that you want to remember. 20 years down the road you’re probably just going to be making fun of your ridiculous clothing choices anyway, so the rest is irrelevant.

I take photos of other people for a living, but often times forget to take plenty photos of my own family and life. When I was trying to pick our photos for our Christmas card, I had so few of me, my husband, and my son all together.  And practically none of just me and my husband! I mean, we’ve had this brilliant relationship for the last 13 years, yet almost no pictures of just the two of us in 2011? So sad! So I’m going to change that this year. I’m making it a point to at least take one photo a day (doesn’t matter with which camera!). I’ll keep a running record on my Flickr page if you’re interested.

While today’s latest smart phones have pretty great cameras, I suggest still at least keeping around a good point-and-shoot to help record your life. And do something with the photos you take… print them for a change instead of just keeping them on your phone or computer. Maybe put them in an album. And do yourself a favor and print them BIGGER than a 4×6 to frame. Photos look more and more beautiful the larger you print them… Get out of your comfort zone and try at least an 8×10 next time! And don’t let your intimidation of fancy cameras (or maybe just laziness? Hey, we have ALL been guilty of that!) keep you from preserving the moments that mean the most to you in life. Life passes by so quickly and you never know what tomorrow holds, so do what you can to remember what puts a sparkle in your eye, and enjoy every last drop of love and fun and happiness that you can.

As for that friend I mentioned in the beginning of this post… what would she be left with without those photos to look back on and remember her husband? Her own memories, yes, but as time passes memories fade… so take photos, print them, and hold them close forever. She took the time to capture those precious moments, and now not only does she have those photos to look back on, but she was able to share them with others who may have not been there in that moment… and now I have that Christmas card attached to my refrigerator, among other memories, where I can honor them daily.

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” -Kung Fu Panda

What’s your most recent favorite snapshot? Here’s mine.

Jose and Max. First morning snuggle of 2012.

When the Stern family came to me for a lifestyle session and explained how they were as far from formal, stuffy photos as one can be, and South Congress would be the ideal fit for them and their personalities, I was over the moon! I love nothing more than a family that lets their guard down and thus silliness ensues.  It took me all but two seconds to fall in love with their adorable girls (and made me hope for a girl of my own in the future!! I mean who could resist buying clothes like what you see below for their own little girl(s)!?). It was a fun and relaxed morning, a session unlike any other I’ve done, and I can’t wait to try to top it the next time I take their photos! And, what better way to wrap up the session than with candy and sweets and ice cream and cupcakes!? Just have a look for yourself… P.S. I’m glad I was just the photographer and didn’t have to deal with the wrath of that sugar high later in the day…

Last minute baby shopping. Oct. 30th, 2009.

When we got home that evening, I went ahead and continued to pack a hospital bag that I started a few days prior while I watched the movie Baby Mama (even funnier when you’re pregnant), and decided to take a bath to relax and ease the anxiousness I was beginning to feel.  The funny part about all of this is that for months I have been telling everyone that I thought our baby boy was going to arrive early, even though everyone will tell you not to get your hopes up for an early delivery (especially with your first baby).  But something inside of me just knew… And a few times I even said, “Watch, I bet he’ll be a Halloween baby!”

Warning: if you’re squeamish and not into labor details, skip the next few sentences. As most of you know, one of the signs of labor is something called “bloody show.”  As my bath water was running around 9:30pm, I was about to get in when I noticed some bloody show.  So I quickly proceeded to Jose’s office and said with a smirk, “So, how much bloody show is too much, where we should head to the hospital?”  I showed him and he said, “I’m going to go put the car seat in the car!!” Yes, of course we didn’t even have the car seat installed yet.   I was having some very mild contractions at that point, but nothing uncomfortable.  I decided to proceed with my bath to relax a bit before we headed to the hospital, but I became so excited that I didn’t last more than a few minutes in the tub before I decided to get that last shower in before my hospital stay.  So I took a quick shower and began to pack everything I could think that we would need for the hospital!  I grabbed a baby book to look at their checklist only to be humored by items like a “camera and film, tape player.”  We quickly packed and headed to Round Rock Medical Center (in retrospect, as you’ll see in the next couple of paragraphs, I probably would have rather stayed at home longer and labored somewhere familiar and comfortable since I had a bit of a ways to go!). Did I mention that my aunt is a hospital supervisor at Round Rock Medical Center, so we had a sweet room in our future for our hospital stay.

We checked in around 11:30pm on Friday night, October 30th, and at that point I was about 3cm dilated.  They kept me in triage for about an hour to observe me again to see if I was making any progress.  An hour later I was closer to 4cm dilated and nearly 100% effaced!  So they called the doctor and he said to keep me there, so I was officially checked in to my labor and delivery room.  The next several hours were pretty sleepless because of our anxiousness and a pretty uncomfortable hospital bed. By the morning, I was 5cm, progressing nicely, and hardly having any contraction pain.  At this point my bag of waters still hadn’t broken, so in a couple of hours the nurses encouraged me to take a stroll around the hospital.

Strolling around the hospital on the morning of October 31st, 2009.

So we walked and walked and walked, and anytime a mild contraction came on, I used some great breathing techniques and yoga positions that helped ease the pain. My ‘prenatal for partners yoga class’ that Jose and I did together (one week before) came in very handy throughout the day, as did everything I learned in prenatal yoga! But even still at that point, the contractions hardly felt like anything at all. Every now and then, we’d come back to the room to get checked again and find out if we were making any progress, and each time I was a tiny bit more dilated. Since it was kind of slow, they insisted on breaking my bag of waters (going against my gut a little bit). However, my mom was on a plane ride over, so I wanted them to wait until she was there, partially because I wanted her to see me in a nice, happy, pain-free state, and because I didn’t know how quickly things would progress once my bag of waters was broken. So, when she arrived, they went ahead and broke my bag of waters (maybe around 1pm?), and that’s when the contractions really picked up! Ouuccchhhh.

Over the next couple of hours, I progressed at a decent pace to about 8cm, still without an epidural. Then, I went about 2-3 more hours without an epidural with really strong (and painful!) contractions, only to find out, I was STILL ONLY 8cm dilated!  At that point they suggested pitocin, and it was at that point that I also said they better get the anesthesiologist in there and they had better do it quickly! The pain from those contractions was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life, and since it was late afternoon and I was still laboring hard, I got so worn out that I knew the only way I had a fighting chance to deliver our baby was if I had the help of an epidural. So the wonderful anesthesiologist came in and it felt like he was sent from heaven (seriously my new best friend at that point).  I could finally breath and relax a little more again. Once the pitocin was going, I finally reached 10cm and it was FINALLY time to push!

Earlier in the day, our baby was “sunny side up” (not ideal for birth). Throughout the day, he rotated a little bit so he was at an angle, and by the time it came for me to push, he was sideways, or in the “transverse” position.  I pushed… and pushed… and pushed… and pushed… contraction after contraction (even sleeping between some of the contractions because I was sooo tired).  And nothing… for 2 HOURS, during which time the epidural definitely wore off (of course)….  Finally, probably around 7:30pm, the doctor finally suggested a c-section, for fear that the baby was just not going to come out on his own. So I turned to my mom, a former labor and delivery nurse, and asked her what I should do, and she said it’s up to me but a c-section sounds like the best option at this point. Since I could barely even stay awake anymore, the epidural had worn off, and no progress was being made by pushing, I agreed to the c-section.

The next couple of hours were a blur, as I fell in and out of sleep the entire time. I remember being carted into the operating room, being prepped for the c-section, then Jose joining me in there with his scrubs and face mask on, then some tugging here and pulling there, the anesthesiologist encouraging queasy Jose to take a peek as our son emerged at 8:29pm on October 31st, and then finally hearing that cry from Maximilian, our son, that I longed to hear for so many months. It was the most wonderful sound in the world and instantly brought tears to my eyes. The first thing Jose said is, “He looks like a little Spanish baby!” LOL. Well I guess that’s to be expected because of his Hispanic heritage, right?

First family photo

Come to find out later, Maximilian had a few initial issues with the umbilical cord being wrapped around his neck a couple of times, and some breathing problems that were quickly remedied in the NICU. The doctor who delivered him also said that he was really wedged in there and didn’t have a chance at coming out on his own, so it’s good that we did the c-section.

A couple of hours later once I was in the recovery room, I finally got to hold and nurse my sweet baby boy, the greatest feeling in the world.  It was the longest, hardest, most painful day of my life, but the most rewarding and joyous one as well.  I had no idea that I could feel so many different emotions in a single day.  In the end, everything was worth it, and we’re ready to be blessed with more children when it’s our time.

Maximilian in his first few minutes

Max and daddy

I won’t go into alllll of the multitude of details of everything that has kept me away from blogging over the last 2 weeks, but here’s a quick recap of a couple of things. For one, my application was accepted to be a volunteer photographer for The F.I.L.M. Project.  Check it out!  It’s a very neat organization!  Through this organization, I will be donating family portrait photo sessions to cancer patients. We believe that in sharing our gifts we can inspire healing, faith, and hope to these families during their most fragile times. If you or someone you know qualifies and would like a family portrait session in the Austin area, please contact me for more info!  I’m looking forward to getting booked for my first session.

Second, I actually have made it to a few yoga classes!  I know… it shocked me, too!  Go figure that immediately after getting too distracted to blog, I actually get to a class.  Maybe I should blog less and Vinyasa more…

Third, on a much sadder note, a friend of mine lost her husband in Afghanistan.  It’s been devastating and very consuming.  I’ve had little contact with her since the news broke, but my heart and prayers go out to her and her family.  Please send all of your positive thoughts her way, too!

Fourth, I’ve had to start doing my course prep for the Fall semester!  Yup, I’m back in teaching again… Haven’t been in the classroom since last Fall, but I’m looking forward to it… starts next week!  Yikes!  It’ll be like riding a bike… right?

So those are just a few of the things that have distracted me from blogging over the last few weeks… But what did I learn in the first 29 days of my journey (as well as in the time since I last blogged)?

For one, totally random, I’ve learned that I REALLY want to move somewhere with cooler weather!!!  This 100+ degree heat and humidity in Austin has been sooo miserable, especially given how much Max loves to be outdoors!  We’ve been cooped up in our house for what seems like an eternity, waiting for a break in the weather, which is at least probably another month away. I’m thinking Seattle or it’s nearby mountains might be pretty fabulous… I want to live somewhere with milder summers, a good chance for snow in the winter, mountainous scenery, and of course a yoga studio and a Whole Foods nearby. Who knows when/if a move will ever happen… But I would sure like it to!

Something else I’ve learned is that life rapidly changes, so don’t take it for granted. Also, don’t beat yourself up for not accomplishing something right away that you’ve set out to do, whether it’s to do yoga regularly or become a famous photographer.  Whatever it is, take your time, and always just try to do a little bit each week to help you achieve that goal.

I’ve also learned that life is made up of cycles. Maybe that’s why I didn’t feel like I needed the entire 60 days to
“complete” my journey. I don’t think a “journey” can ever really have a time limit. As for the cycles or phases of life, there are good days and bad days, stressful days and easygoing days, slumps and peaks… I think we just have to all be prepared for the constant ups and downs and changes. Something I’ve learned being a mama is that with your kiddo, everything is just a phase. If they’re sleeping crappy for a couple of weeks because of teething, it’ll pass. Now I’m ready to apply that philosophy to my own life… It’s all just a phase! It’s up to me to allow myself to freely move in and out of these phases… I think that’s the key to survival.  Just go with it… and have fun as often as possible.

A few photos from the last 2 weeks…

Today is one of those “weird” days… Call it what you will… A slump, a plateau, an “off” day. So I feel like this is a good day to look back on days 1-28 of my journey, reflect, and try to meditate a little bit on each point I touched on, while also trying to put what I can into practice. It’s hard when I already have so much on my mind, and it feels like so much is weighing on my shoulders. A little yoga may do a mind (and body) good…

I’m also sending healing thoughts to photographer Jeremy Cowart who has fallen very ill while on assignment in Rwanda. Please join me in prayers for him.

I love the innocence of Max's childhood and how he is so far from holding the weight of the world on his shoulders - 08.03.11

How have you been doing over the last 29 days? Isn’t it amazing just how much can happen in less than a month’s time. Or is that just my life? Haha…